Why Am I Not Getting The Results I Expect?

Dominos_FallingThat’s a hard question.  But a great one to be asking!  I’m glad you’re willing to consider the answer.

Are you ready for the answer?  (You may not like it…   Consider yourself warned… Please, please, please continue to read this and understand that I am saying this as your friend.  I want to see you succeed and I cannot help you do that without being direct and to the point.  Please understand that this was written to be impactful so you “get it.”  I’m very sorry it sounds rude, but I want you to think about it.)

You are probably expecting the wrong thing.

I know that doesn’t make sense because I didn’t sugar coat it or say it more tactfully.  The answer is in the question, if you think about it.

What are the Results You Expect?

Are you expecting something that you have never done before?  If so, you probably don’t know what actions to take to make those results happen.

(I hear it now… “What do you mean ‘make those results happen?’ I can’t control the results I’m getting.”)

Really?

When you got up this morning, did you shower?  What result were you expecting after a shower?  I hope you answered that you expected to be clean.

But, how did you know to expect that result?

The short answer is “Experience.”

For example, I’ve created websites before.  I know I need to click this button to register the domain name.  I need to include search engine keywords in consideration for choosing a website’s domain name. I know that if it is something only a small amount of people are interested in, I’ll most likely only get a small amount of visitors to my site.

I may have all the people in the world who like magnet souvenir from travel destinations coming to my website (not a real website… yet… Hmmm…. I’ll think about it.). That’s not the point.  The point is that if I’m expecting a million visitors in a day, I could end up in the depressing trap of considering the result (of having a small amount of visitors to my site) a failure.

“What If I Fail?”

The point is you need to believe “I cannot fail.  I can only learn and grow.” Once you understand that you can attach meanings to whatever happens, then you have the ability to choose what meaning to attach to it.

Do you get it?

Failure is never the end. 

You can learn and grow from the experience so you will “know better” and choose to act differently next time!  (That’s the key…) Please remember that You can choose what happens in life’s journey by following my simple formula.  You may recognize this recipe from other more famous “teachers.”

On that note, here’s my…

Recipe For Success:

Ingredients:

1) Thoughts

2) Feelings

3) Action

Instructions:

1) Observe your thoughts by asking probing questions like “what happened.”

2) Look for answers that provoke feelings (like “that driver just cut me off. I hate when people can’t drive courteously.”)

3) Watch what feelings arise from those thoughts. (“Oh, it makes me so mad.  I’m gonna… blah, blah, blah…”)

4) Based on those feelings, observe what actions you take.

5) Notice the results that “happen.”

6) Recognize the “thoughts lead to feelings lead to actions that produces results” pattern of the situation.

7) Repeat Step 1 and come up with different answers that lead to positive or neutral feelings. (like “Wow, they look like they are in a hurry.  I wonder if they may need to get to work and are running late. I can understand how I would drive in that situation.” The feeling here is more of an empathy rather than anger.)

8) Take new actions based on the positive or neutral feelings. (“I could leave a little more space between me and the car in front of me in case someone needs to hurry for some reason.”)

9) Observe new results.

The Point is…

If you notice what changed in the thoughts or feelings that all happened in your head, you can notice the actions and results that happened in the world around you.  Change the thoughts or feelings and you’ll more actively choose your results.

So, I hope that helps.  If so, please let me know how it helped you either in the comments here or on Facebook at http://www.FaceBook.com/bock.rachel.

I look forward to talking to you soon!

 

 

 

4 Comments

  • Gaby

    Reply Reply June 20, 2014

    Hi Rachel

    You are so right. Your ‘driving’ example makes your point very clear. Shawn Achor calls it different ‘realities’ in his book ‘Before happiness’.
    It’s not always easy to achieve. To start off it helps to become aware of negative thoughts and feelings.
    Excellent post – thanks

    Gaby

    • rachelbock

      Reply Reply June 27, 2014

      Wow! Thank you, Gaby.

      I had not heard of ‘Before Happiness’ before. That will go on my reading list.

      Thank you!

      Have a great day,
      Rachel

  • Rose

    Reply Reply June 23, 2014

    Hi Rachel

    I like that idea.

    Taking the time to observe our actions/reactions to experiences helps us to appreciate what experiences other people may be going through at the moment – which in turn helps us to be more understanding of them.

    It should also help us to be more understanding of ourselves, and improve in a positive way – rather than just critisizing ourselves which in some cases will cause us to freeze up and be afraid to move forward.

    Very good point!

    Thank you, Rose

    • rachelbock

      Reply Reply June 27, 2014

      Thank you! I think we often “freeze up and be afraid to move forward” more than we realize.

      Hopefully, being conscious about our actions will free us to make choices more clearly and more consciously.

      Thank you,
      Rachel